LOVE Is Not Waiting for the Storm to Pass
Learning to Dance in the Rain in Real Relationships
“LOVE is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.” is a personal adaptation of one of my favorite quotes.
I think about this often when I think about “amazing” relationships—especially long-term ones.
Not because amazing relationships are always easy. But because amazing relationships are real.
They include storms. They include leaky roofs, grief, and illness.
Residency and night shifts.Kids with ADHD.
Depression. Hormones. Career pivots.
Tired brains and tender hearts and miscommunication at exactly the wrong moment.
If you’re reading this and thinking, Yes—of course all the things have happened, you’re not alone. I hear this from women physicians all the time.
Full-Spectrum Love
One of my favorite frameworks is full-spectrum living:
Hot/cold.
Light/dark.
Rest/motion.
Happy/sad.
Opposite extremes are not a sign that something has gone wrong.
They are part of being human.
And they are part of loving a human.
Sometimes we tell ourselves that if a relationship is “right,” it should feel good most of the time.
But real love isn’t 100% ease.
It’s often closer to something like 50/50—not in a literal accounting sense, but in the reality that life includes both beauty and struggle.
There will be disagreements.
There will be hard seasons.
There will be moments you don’t understand each other.
And there will also be the most extraordinary moments—hand-holding, laughter, shared meaning, deep loyalty, tenderness, repair.
That combination is what makes relationships amazing.
Relationships Are a Journey
Sometimes they feel twisted.
Sometimes you feel lost.
Sometimes you’re walking hand in hand.
Sometimes you’re celebrating.
Sometimes you’re learning how to find each other again.
One of my favorite metaphors is: ride the wave.
Sometimes it’s a tidal wave. Sometimes the surfing is incredible. The goal isn’t to eliminate the waves.
It’s to learn how to surf.
Harvard’s long-term research has echoed what many of us know: the quality of our relationships matters profoundly for health and happiness.
And yet, most of us were trained to invest our energy elsewhere first.
Especially women physicians.
We invest in competence.
In achievement.
In responsibility.
In caring for everyone else.
Relationships become something we try to “handle” on the side—until the cost becomes impossible to ignore.
Coaching helped me learn to “dance in the rain.”
Not by pretending storms aren’t real, but by helping me show up with more:
compassion
positivity (without bypassing)
intention
love
nervous system steadiness
self-responsibility
and a managed mind
This mattered for me in very real life: a spouse with depression, three teenagers, a demanding medical career and leadership role, ADHD in the family, deaths of loved ones, and more.
Storms are not rare events. They are part of the deal.
Inside our homes and outside our homes.
A Managed Mind Changes Everything
A managed mind doesn’t mean a perfect mind.
It means you can notice what’s happening inside you—your stories, your reactivity, your fear, your resentment—and choose your response with more clarity.
A managed mind allows you to stay connected to who you want to be, even in the hard parts.
It’s what makes “dancing in the rain” possible.
And it’s what makes relationships feel more amazing—because you stop making the storms mean you’re failing.
The ROI of Investing in Your Relationship
Investing in myself was—and is—a great investment.
Unparalleled ROI.
Because divorce, discontent, and ongoing unhappiness are extremely costly.
Not just financially.
Emotionally.
Physiologically.
Energetically.
For you, your partner, and your family.
“Amazing” takes energy and investment.
And most of us need help to create our own amazing.
I did.
And now I’m here to help.
If you’re a woman physician who wants more ease, connection, and calm in your relationship—especially if your relationship is high-stress or neurodiverse—you can learn more about marriage and relationship coaching here.