It’s a Long Game
Cliff Notes from a Mindful Coaching Session for Women Physicians who are Parents of Teens and Young Adults
We—and they—are imperfect humans.
As parents, we are building lifelong relationships with future adults.
For many of us, the adult relationship with our children will be even longer than the first 18 years.
Our job is to guide, advise, keep them as safe as possible, and love them for exactly who they are.
If you’re a woman physician, you’re often doing this while carrying an intense professional load—decision fatigue, emotional labor, and a nervous system that rarely gets to fully downshift.
If parenting feels hard right now, it makes sense.
Mindful relationships are about you.
Your own behavior is all that’s in your control. It only takes one to shift a relationship.
#1 Parental self-care is essential.
#2 Accept and allow
Accept that life includes uncertainty and challenge.
Accept your teens and young adults as they are and you as you are—with grace and compassion.
We are all imperfect and a work in progress.
And yes—teen and young adult brains are still developing (even when they look fully grown and sound very certain).
“When we fight reality, we lose 100% of the time.”
Anxiety, ADHD traits, depression, screens, and the pressures of modern life are part of many families’ reality.
You don’t have to like it.
But resisting that it’s true doesn’t help.
#3 Validate instead of fix
Validate their feelings—anxiety, stress, fear, anger, disappointment—rather than trying to fix them.
And validate your own feelings and struggles too.
All feelings are allowed.
(Especially yours.)
#4 Be intentional
Clean up your own mental clutter.
Choose how you want to feel.
Take a stand for who you want to be in your relationships.
Be mindful, intentional, and someone you are proud of.
Show lots of love.
Model vulnerability and problem-solving.
Create space.
#5 Be curious
Notice and be aware:
What are you making their behavior mean?
Could it mean something else?
How do they actually show you love and commitment?
Focus on that instead of the shoulds.
How are they “just like you”?
Most humans want to be heard, accepted, supported, loved, and safe.