317. Why Women in Medicine Feel Like They Don't Belong
Almost every woman in medicine has, at some point, decided she doesn't belong.
Where does this feeling come from? And what can you do about it?
In this conversation, we explain the root of the problem and offer solutions that have worked for us.
We were trained in medicine to scan for what doesn't belong in a chart, an exam, or a history. Ultimately, we turn that same sharp lens on ourselves.
Listen to learn how a sense of belonging can be a decision and a choice, rather than a feeling we wait for.
We Explore:
How discomfort and unfamiliarity get mistaken for "I don't belong."
Why you don't have to belong everywhere — and how choosing where you don't is its own freedom
How vulnerability and connection are an antidote to loneliness
Pearls of Wisdom
What you practice grows, and what you don't practice recedes.
You don't have to belong everywhere; choosing where you don't belong is a way of belonging to yourself.
Vulnerability is valuable — it helps you and gives others permission.
Reflection Questions
Where do you keep waiting to belong, and where could you decide you already belong?
When you walk into a room where you feel different, what might happen if you started to notice what's actually the same about you?
Closing Invitation: If this episode resonates, the invitation is simple: stop waiting to feel like you belong, and start practicing it somewhere small. Belonging grows in the places where it's safe to show up as you are — and almost no one feels it the first time. It builds.
That's exactly why small-group coaching, 1:1 coaching, and intimate retreats work so well: they're authentic, aligned spaces where belonging can take root.
FAQs
What is this episode about? It's about belonging — why so many physicians, especially women, feel like they don't belong, where that pattern comes from, and how to choose and practice belonging instead of waiting to feel it.
Why do physicians so often feel like they don't belong? In training, we become experts at noticing what doesn't belong — the abnormal finding, the thing that's out of place. Over the years, that same negative attention bias gets turned inward, so we scan every room for the ways we don't fit.
How do you actually practice belonging? Start by noticing how you do belong rather than how you don't. Become a regular somewhere. Introduce yourself, even when it's uncomfortable. And start small — a group of six or a small coaching group is far easier to belong to than a room of five hundred.
Do I have to belong everywhere? No. Some spaces simply aren't the right fit, and choosing not to belong there can be aligned and freeing. The invitation is not to default into not belonging.
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