A Cup of Love: Stop Comparing, Start Noticing

When we lean into the beauty of the good we already have in our relationships, we experience more good.

There are many models of amazing, worthwhile relationships in this world. And without a doubt, every relationship is missing something.

One of the fastest ways to suffer in a relationship—especially a stressed or neurodiverse one—is comparison.

When we let go of comparing our relationship to someone else’s (or to a fantasy relationship we imagine would be easier), we enjoy our own life more.

Dropping comparison is not “settling.” It’s choosing reality over misery.

Could you resist the urge to believe there is a different relationship out there that would be better and make you happier?

Could you trust the version of you who chose this relationship when you chose it?

What if you chose to tell a story about your relationship that helps you enjoy your life?

And if that isn’t possible—get help.

And if, with help, you decide you truly can’t or shouldn’t tell a good story about your relationship, then you may need to choose something else for your life.

Relationship satisfaction is an inside job

Relationship satisfaction has almost nothing to do with your partner. It is almost all about you.

You can choose to feel loved no matter what.

You can choose to notice—or even ask—how your partner shows love.

It may not be how you think they “should.” It may not match your preferred style.

And still, it might be real love.

Why not see it? Why not enjoy it?

My husband’s love language is coffee

Meticulously prepared. Almost always brought to me in bed.

It is, quite literally, a cup of love.

And when I see it as that, it changes my whole day.

Find your “cup of love.”

You can invest in your relationship by investing in your outlook, your mind, and your stories.

Discover your cup of love. Notice it. Treasure it. Enjoy it.

And if you’re having a hard time doing that, there is no shame in getting help.

Getting help is a sign of strength and love.

It is, in and of itself, a cup of love—for you and your partner.

Mindful Love relationship coaching

If you’re a woman physician and you want support strengthening your relationship—especially if it’s stressed, strained, or neurodiverse—explore Mindful Love relationship coaching. I offer both 1:1 and small group options.