How Mindfulness Improved My Marriage

February 2026: This post was updated with a few new reflections and current links.

I have done a lot of work over the last few years on myself through coaching and mindfulness.

One of the most powerful and positive impacts has been on my relationships.

I thought I was a pretty good parent and wife before.

My kids have turned out “pretty well”—at least so far.

I have managed to stay married for 33 years.

We’ve had good times and great times and not-so-good times and bad times.

And still… I saw parenting as a lot of work.

And I “worked” at my marriage.

I didn’t often pause and be present and fully enjoy the incredible moments along the way.

I looked ahead and behind—all the time.

Physicians are trained to do this.

The Physician Training That Sneaks Into Love

I had high expectations for everyone and everything:

vacations
my children
holidays
date night

I put so much effort and love in—all the time.

And I thought outcomes should reflect that.

My job as a physician was to influence outcomes.

So with good intentions, I tried to control things that were out of my control.

Especially for the people I loved.

What Changed Everything

Mindfulness and coaching changed me.

As a result, they changed the lives of those around me, too.

When you change yourself, everything changes.

We are all enjoying the journey more.

Especially me.

What’s important is still getting done.

But there is more energy and time for connection and forward movement.

When given space, magical things start to emerge and happen—and you notice them.

The little things become amazing.

The Beauty Is in the Journey

When you pause and are present for the moments—the good and the bad—you actually experience your life.

You stop racing past it.

You stop missing it.

You stop living like the point is “arrival.”

The beauty is in the journey.

Less Fixing. More Loving.

I have stopped trying to fix everything for everyone.

I am the only one responsible for my happiness.

I can use my voice to ask for what I want and share my wisdom, but I am no longer attached to the outcome.

I remain perfectly imperfect at all this.

I am very much a work in progress—as are my loved ones.

But what a difference mindful presence makes.

When I show up for my relationships with less expectation and less judgment—

not trying to control— everyone else around me starts to show up this way, too.

When I pause and am present in the moment, I have more energy, there is more connection and joy, and I feel so much more abundant.

So much can change… without anyone or anything outside of me actually having to change.

If you’re a woman physician who feels like you’re “working” at your relationships—and you want more ease, connection, and sustainable love (especially in a neurodiverse marriage), you will love Mindful Love.