Curiosity Is the Key to Long-Term Neurodiverse Love
Editor’s Note (February 2026): This post was updated with a few new reflections and current links.
I woke up this morning next to a man I have slept next to most nights since 1992.
We celebrated our first Valentine’s Day in 1986 and have lived together since 1992.
The epiphany that came to me this morning is this:
Long-term love—and ongoing harmony—require ongoing curiosity.
Neurodiverse Love: Curiosity Changes Everything
Curiosity matters in every relationship, but it’s especially essential in neurodiverse partnerships—where differences are real and interpretation can create unnecessary suffering.
Neurodiverse love often asks us to get more explicit:
What did you mean by that?
What helps you feel supported?
What does repair look like for you?
What is the “love language” you’re actually using—today?
Curiosity turns differences into information instead of evidence that something is wrong.
When relationships get into trouble
When we’ve gotten into trouble, it hasn’t necessarily been when someone was sick or struggling.
And not necessarily when we didn’t agree.
And not necessarily when something “bad” happened.
It was when I stopped showing up with curiosity.
What would love do on your 41st Valentine’s Day?
What would love do on one’s 41st Valentine’s Day together?
Continue to show up curious.
Who is he now?
Who am I now?
Who are we now?
What does he love?
What do I love?
What do we love?
I hope to be mindful, grounded, and astute enough to keep asking these questions for years to come.
Strategic curiosity
Asking “good” questions is a strategy I share as a mindful coach.
This is strategic curiosity.
I’ve shared the idea of love as a life strategy.
Curiosity is also a life strategy—one that is necessary to truly show up for life with love.
Mindfulness tools for loving well
Curiosity is a core tenet of mindfulness.
So are generosity, non-striving, patience, intention, attention, and nonjudgment.
All of these are tools for loving well—
and for addressing what you learn when you get curious.
Whether it’s loving yourself or loving someone else (spouse, child, parent, sibling…).
They’re also tools for allowing yourself to feel loved—an entirely different (and important) piece of the pie.
Want support creating more harmony?
All of this is to say: Mindful Love is the answer—yet again.
I’ll be offering my Mindful Love group coaching program again shortly. We’ll explore tools for loving better, especially in the face of challenges.
Coaching is often the missing piece that creates peace for so many.
Gift yourself harmony, peace, and love.
Life is more peaceful and more fun when there is more curiosity—and more love.