What Would Love Do? Valentine’s Wisdom From 58 Years
Editor’s Note (February 2026): This post was updated with a few new reflections and current links.
What would love do? Keep choosing each other—again and again—over a lifetime.
My parents have now been married for 58 years. Their anniversary is later in the year, but Valentine’s Day always makes me think about them.
Not because their marriage has been perfect. Because it has lasted.
Staying married for nearly six decades isn’t just good luck or “true love” as a feeling.
It’s practice.
As a relationship and life coach—and as someone who has had to learn these skills in my own marriage—Valentine’s Day feels like a meaningful moment to reflect on what makes love last.
These are a few of my current learnings.
Let people be who they are
One of the biggest things I’ve witnessed in my parents’ relationship is this:
They let each other be exactly who they are.
Neither of them is simple. And their story isn’t either.
They were married in India in 1967. There is quite a story behind how and why the wedding happened the way it did.
What matters now, though, is the way they’ve continued to show up.
They show up as who they actually are. Not who they think the other one wants them to be. Not who they think they “should” be. Idiosyncrasies, imperfections, and masterpiece components— all together.
While they did this “mostly well,” it also took learning along the way. Many of us need help along the way.
I did.
Love isn’t luck. It’s practice.
Every marriage has challenges. And then life adds more.
High-stress careers.
Parenting.
Loss.
Health challenges.
Neurodiversity.
Mental health stressors.
A world that doesn’t make it easy to stay regulated and connected.
I’ve been married for 32 years so far.
My own marriage has succeeded because of good luck or “true love.” Those are beautiful. They matter. But they aren’t always enough to carry you through the bumps in the road.
What mindfulness and coaching added to my marriage
Mindfulness and coaching taught me incredibly helpful tools. Bringing them to my relationship—and choosing to show up intentionally—helped me navigate more smoothly through mental health challenges, physical health challenges, neurodiversity, job transitions, toddlers, ADHD, teenagers, young adult children, grandparenthood, and the collective stress of life.
They helped me get out of my own way—so I wasn’t sabotaging myself or giving up on us too soon.
Staying married isn’t the right answer for all couples. But coaching helps you make decisions from a place of clarity and calm—rather than anger, resentment, panic, or victimhood.
Valentine’s Day wisdom (for real-life love)
May you let love be a practice.
May you allow each other to be human.
May you choose curiosity over certainty.
May you keep returning to the question: What would love do?
May that question guide you toward more steadiness, warmth, repair, and connection—whatever your relationship looks like in this season.
If you want support bringing mindfulness and intention into your relationship, explore Mindful Love here:
https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindfulrelationshipcoaching